Kohli The Lonely

Paul Howarth

The cricketers-in-song-titles game that'll take over your life.

Everyone needs a mate like Big Tone. A die-hard Newcastle United fan (well, no-one's perfect), a man with an encyclopaedic knowledge of pop music and – crucially for this tale – someone who delights in childish games.

Tony and I worked together back in the 90s and one day were amused by the tabloid headline Relight Ketsbaia, a reference to the Georgian Geordie plying his trade at St. James' Park at the time. And it got us thinking. How many footballers in song titles could we think of? Lots was the answer. Soon we had a ledger full of them. Do Ginola Way To San José?, Le Saux-ing The Seeds Of Love, When I'm Cleaning Windass and the hugely ambitious Incey Giggsy Tino Beeney Yellow Polka Dot Maldini were just a few.

Of course, for our purposes, we'll need to replace Kev-ballers with cricketers. Have a look at the list below (only two of which are rejected jingles by me) and prepare yourselves for hours of thousand-yard staring and moments of utter joy when you come up with a doozie:

Kohli The Lonely
I Just Can't Get You Outta Mehedi
Yasir, I Can Boogie
Lip Up, Batty
Hafeez, Hafeez, Hafeez, Let Me Get What I Want
Khawaja Wanna Make Those Eyes At Me For?
Sharma Chameleon
Ansari Seems To Be The Hardest Word
Watling Back To Happiness

And a few from the history books:

The Boycott With The Thorn In His Side
Crowe Now
My Boy Lillee-Pop

Watch this space for an updated list as your entries literally trickle in. @GuerillaCricket (#kholithelonely) or send them in to guerillacricket@gmail.com.