“Having your flaps mashed by a cricket ball would hurt like a bastard,” is not the kind of comment you’d expect to hear from a female member of the MCC cricket comittee, least of all the author of the definitive history of women’s cricket, and least of all on a cricket commentary broadcasting to almost 200 countries round the world. But hear it on Guerilla Cricket you did.
Nor, we suspect, would you imagine hearing a leading county cricketer confessing, to those same countries, that he wears two boxes when batting “because my junk is important to me”. But hear it, from the mouth of Northants’ adopted Aussie, Steven Cook, on Guerilla Cricket, you did.
If nothing else, it shows that we’re not disciminatory when it comes to describing the damage that a hard sphere of leather and cork can do to an individual player’s most vital regions.
You might also have heard Guerilla Cricket’s anchor @guerillahendo profess his undying devotion to Joe Root as the Yorkshire genius led England to extraordinary victory over South Africa in the world T20, from whose union emerged the hybrid lovechild WG Hendo-Root.
You might also have heard Aussie contributor Brett McKay, of online magazine The Roar, when asked what words of morale-boosting wisdom national captain Michael Clarke should offer to his underperforming side against Pakistan, deadpan: “Stop being shit!”
Now, thanks to unexpected technological advances, we can offer you the opportunity to relive such memorable moments to your heart’s content, not to mention literally hundreds of hours of devastating and forthright cricket analysis, ball-by-ball commentary, twitter frippery and jaw-droppingly witty jingles by signing up to our entire broadcasting archive.
The catch? We’d like your money. Not all of it, obviously. But put us in your will. It’s not much to ask for such unbridled entertainment. Is it?
Besides, where else are you going to hear an Irish-Jamaican commentator who doubles as a freelance orchestral double-bassist compare himself to Angelina Jolie.