Relax Jay Shah, we haven’t actually taken over (yet). BUT as the flabby arse of 2024 waddled into the dusty broom cupboard of history, your Guerillas were eagerly applying their Janus like talents for contemplative retrospection and future divination.
By way of gathering thoughts on the cricketing year past and the one ahead, all were asked 11 searching questions, one of which anointed them with total control of the ICC to do with as they pleased. Needless to say, answers came from centre field, left field, right field, not to mention Huddersfield and probably Chesterfield too.
Just in case you’ve forgotten in a haze of New year celebratory amnesia, there were 54 Test matches played in 2024 (the most since 2002). Only 3 were drawn. England played no less than 17 of them (more than any other Test playing nation) and won just over half, Baz blasting their way to victory on flatter tracks, but undone away from home on turners.
Elsewhere, India overcame their ICC tournament hoodoo to win a World T20 co- hosted in the USA, but then collapsed in a heap against New Zealand to lose a home Test series for the first time in 12 years. This completed a memorable Kiwi double after New Zealand’s Women had defeated South Africa in the WWT20 to dethrone the previously all conquering Australians.
Below are the 11 questions to which our Guerillas’ wisdom was applied.
Guerilla Patreons will be able to enjoy a full and unexpurgated view of each and every answer, but as Guerilla’s, by nature, are prone to distraction, diversion and occasional doddery forgetfulness, we have only provided here just a flavour from the smorgasbord of responses that ranged from insightful to insane.
- Who was your team of the year?
Very much a gentle loosener as questions go, but there were some divergent views on the consideration criteria, nonetheless. No surprises perhaps that New Zealand’s Men and Women were highly favoured for their wins in India and the Women’s WT20.
Other candidates included the USA (from an American we might point out), India, for getting that ICC tournament monkey off their back and England for Bazball belligerence. Less predictably, but more intriguingly, Afghanistan, China and Afghanistan Women (in memoriam) all featured. And an extra special mention has to go to the TFL bus crews that worked in tireless relay to get Jason Hiscox to our studio in one piece, if not always on time.
- Who was your player of the year?
Jasprit Bumrah and Joe Root rose consistently to the surface here and it’s hard to argue. But consideration, with varying degrees of seriousness, was given to Yashasvi Jaiswal, the USA’s Andreas Gous (from our US respondent of course), Harry Brook, Annabel Sutherland, Rishabh Pant, Gulbadin Naib, Travis Head (love child of Ted Lasso and Droopy the dog who clicked more than a pensioner’s kneecap apparently), Kendel Kadowaki-Fleming (Japanese T20 superstar) and Marnus Loose Bus Change.
There was even a vote for this editor for ‘Guerilla matchday recruitment and rota services’. When interviewed by myself, I was too modest to reply, however.
- What was your best team performance?
Once again, New Zealand’s Men and Women were favoured by those who took performance to be over a tournament or series rather than a single match. However the USA were featured strongly for their super over defeat of Pakistan (and not just by our US correspondent this time) as were England (for that record breaking win in Pakistan), Afghanistan, Nigeria (for blasting out the Ivory Coast for 7 and winning an ICC sanctioned T20 match by a staggering 264 runs), India (for that WT20 final) and South Africa in anticipation of their WTC Final qualification.
- What was your magic moment of the year?
Some Guerillas chose to put a very personal spin on responses here whilst others selflessly took a broader world view. Both approaches, it must be said, are equally valid and they included the WWT20 triumph for New Zealand’s Women (again, and why not?!), Nitish Reddy’s debut MCG ton, Joe Root and Harry Book’s Multan magnificence, calling Joe Root’s record breaking 34th century, Stuart Broad joining Sky’s commentary team, Gulbadin Naib’s hamstring (you may be spotting a theme here by now), Bethell and Brydon’s bottle blond brilliance, Uganda at the WT20, that Gabba triumph for the Windies and the Proteas Women for their WWT20 victory over Aus.
This editor’s personal choice was a genuine single moment, the tear in Jimmy’s eye as he descended the Lord’s steps that final time. Only the coldest heart would have been unmoved.
- Who was your hero of the year?
Just who could swim like a cricket playing dolphin can swim in the eyes of our Guerillas? Well, a fair few apparently and here are some of them:
Ravi Ashwin (for retiring)*, Suryakumar Yadav for his WT20 final catch to dismiss the dangerous David Miller, Shadley van Schalkwyk (another vote from our US correspondent), Josh Hazlewood (for implying Aus might just lose to Scotland and kick out England in the process), Joe Root, Gulbadin Naib (again), Ben Stokes (for leadership and tattoos) and Shamar Joseph (for his Gabba heroics).
More parochially, a few of our Guerilla Patreons got thoroughly deserved mentions, notably St Annie or defending the true values of red ball cricket, Jay Grover for super chat generosity and Brian from Brisbane for breakfasts, lunches, dinners, beer, wine, snacks and other assorted comestibles regularly delivered to our studio door. Truly magnificent!
*From the author of the best- seller “Wizard’s – The Story of Indian Spin Bowling” available at all reputable book stores. Nominated less for Ashwin’s spinning genius and Mankading magnificence and more out of relief that his stats will not need further updating.
- Who was your villain of the year?
A very appropriate question for pantomime season and there were some suitably theatrical responses, starting with Pakistan’s twirly moustached twirler Sajid Khan although I suspect we loved him really (oh no we didn’t, oh yes we did). Plenty of others put their hands up. Travis Head was none too popular with one or two of our Indian Guerillas and Ricky Ponting angered our US correspondent for daring to claim that “there’s not a lot of excitement in baseball”. We like Ricky these days, and his wine, so fair point from the lad to be honest.
Other notable candidates included Gulbadin Naib (obviously), any Australian (because “one will be cheating somewhere”) and one Australian in particular in the form of “whoever decided that David Warner on commentary would be a good idea”.
However, all paled into insignificance behind Virat Kohli for his dastardly (should that be bastardly?) barge on young Sam Konstas. You’re better than that Virat. And yes, you did get a not-out ton in Perth, but boy did you milk it and there wasn’t much else down under. The camera still loves you though.
- You are in charge the ICC for Day. What are main things you would stop doing, change or start doing?
This one seemed to click our gang into more serious mode and frankly there’s a whole article to be written and podcast to be made to do them justice. It would be fair to summarise by saying that almost everybody felt there was ample room for improvement from the game’s governing body. But in the ICC’s defence there seemed to be a few answers that wanted to blame them for literally everything from climate change to trains running late.
The stops included:
- Making a mockery of drawing lots before ICC tournaments by miraculously getting India and Pakistan to be in the same group so they always play each other at least once in every single tournament
- Using two new balls in an ODI innings. Give bowlers and the art of death overs reverse swing a break
- Listening to only the Indian government and the BCCI
- Pointlessly dragging a rope around the outfield after rain delays (are they even accountable for that? I’m really not sure)
- Believing the market will take care of everything
- Saying ‘how high’ when England, Australia or particularly India ask them to jump
- Two Test series
- T20 franchise proliferation
You can pretty much read the mood of the room from those, but the change and start suggestions were well intentioned and constructive (mainly):
- Make a two Tier Division Cricket League (rather than two tier)
- Don’t ask umpires to justify a decision before DRS reviews it
- More associate teams at tournaments and a genuine focus on investment to support the growth of the game everywhere
- Insist on the WTC having a minimum of three matches in each Test series
- Let any two “lesser” nations who want to play a four or five day match have it recognised as a Test. The “important” nations aren’t going to play against them anyway
- Support all nations to play Test cricket
- Promote more Tests to address the imbalance between Tests and White Ball cricket
- Give Afghanistan’s Women a home so we can enjoy watching Gulbadin Naib without guilt (If only it was that simple)
- Fund Guerilla Cricket (Now you’re talking. Come on ICC, we bust our balls for nothing to promote the game around the world. A little help would be very welcome!)
- You are in charge of the ECB (Or BCCI, CSA, Cricket Ireland, PCB etc depending on where you are). What are the main things you would do?
You really will need to be a Guerilla Patreon to appreciate the depth of ideas here. Suffice to say that much of our Guerillas local thinking was in tune with their global ideas. The BCCI really needs to stop proliferating the IPL and focus more on the fans and their needs.
The ECB should unite the Hundred and the Blast, be more realistic and inclusive in its Test cricket pricing and be far more transparent in its pathway plans and results. It should also junk the junky crisps and look for something more proper if they want to be doing the right thing by young fans. There was a desire too, for a behind the scenes documentary following the England team, although I do believe that was proposed but squashed by overlord Brendon McCullum as a distraction, which is a very fair point.
Down under, an annual Women’s Test match or even two Test series between Australia and New Zealand with one match in each county was proposed. Frankly that seems a fabulous idea and is hard to argue against, although somebody will try. Ensuring all BBL squads include two associate players was a noble thought too.
Our South African Guerilla’s wanted more Test cricket and less T20 franchises and generally were not impressed by SuperSport’s commentators either.
- What cricketing Christmas present do you want?
If you’ve managed to get this far, congratulations on your resilience, but keep reading because we get on to some of the fun stuff now. Starting with our Guerilla choice of Christmas gifts.
Alas our Indian Guerillas we disappointed on all fronts after their Aus defeat. Perhaps not surprisingly a bat and ball made the lists, although specifically “a nice new dark red Dukes, you just can’t go wrong. The best present you could ask for”. I suspect Jimmy Anderson, or any English seam bowler would agree.
“Fifteen overs per hour guaranteed” would keep at least one Guerilla as happy as a pig in muck for the new year, whilst a Gulbadin Naib hamstring was on Santa’s list for another (would that be legal?). Oddly that wasn’t the only body part requested but let’s just leave that there.
A bottle of Jacob Bethell hair bleach, “making the 90s timeless one drop at a time” would delight at least one Guerilla, but by far the best Christmas gift wish was for “Taylor Swift to become obsessed with Guerilla Cricket and sponsor us according to her means”. Come on Taylor, you know it makes sense!
- What 3 cricketers (or people with some association or interest in cricket) (alive or dead!!) would you invite to your Christmas Dinner?
As a Patreon, you can find out just who invited which guests, but here is nearly the full invitee list. If this were a party, its one I would want to be at! And if your name is not on the list, you’re not getting in:
Don Bradman, Douglas Jardine, Harold Larwood, Rahul Dravid, Kerry O’Keefe (no accounting for taste), Kaushik Rangarajan, Mike Atherton, Joe Root, Richie Benaud, Ricky Pointing, Shane Warne, Alyssa Healey (who’s allowed a plus one), Danny Morrison (see comment for Kerry O’Keefe above), Richard Kettleborough, Gulbadin Naib (and two of his mates), Les Aimes, Isa Guha, Gary Pratt (to sit next to Ricky of course), Michael Buffer (to announce arrivals presumably), Roy Sheffield (Essex Wicket Keeper of the 1930s), Ulysses S Grant (there is a cricket connection, honestly!), Marais Erasmus (to sit opposite end of the table to Richard Kettleborough?), Lance Klusener, Bjorn Kotze, George Bailey (the cricketer, not James Stewart, although that would have been seasonal), Adrian Kuiper, Dean Elgar, Kumar Sangakkara, Robin Jackman, SF Barnes, Gilbert Jessop, Percy Fender, Charles Bannerman, Virat Kohli.
Who would you want to sit next too?
- What is your cricket new year’s resolution?
There are some absolute belters amongst answers here, but I’m afraid you may not even hear them over the hubbub and general ribaldry going on in the party above.
Quite possibly, many could already have been broken by the time you read this anyway, but as Patreon, you can enjoy them during January straight from each Guerilla’s mouth.
And if you are not a Patreon yet. Well, you know what to do. And you can do it right here.
A Very Happy New Cricketing Year to all.
The Guerillas
